Hello, those who would wish to read the writings of the Deadbeat. I come to you after a long time of thinking, sitting in a small room with an old laptop. I have tried the blogging thing once or twice, even done audio logs on a YouTube channel. However, I feel that I need something like this now more than ever. I need an outlet, a platform from which to shout my thoughts, feelings, and conclusions to the world. I believe this blog will be my best shot. Perhaps I will be able to garner a following, or just a few people who pop by here and there. It matters little to me, now I want to speak.
I'm sure some are curious as to my moniker. Why would I call myself a deadbeat? It's such a negative thing, a do-nothing loser that contributes nothing to society. Well, it springs somewhat from my feelings of inferiority, ones I have grappled with since a young age. It also stems from the feelings of helplessness that come from being a young man with almost no input on how society is run. I've felt like a loser because there has been nothing I could do but be a spectator as other people run the show. However, I've been trying to turn the title into a positive thing for myself now. I include the word in my XBOX Live Gamertag and my YouTube channel name. I incorporate the idea of a deadbeat into my persona, but try to not make it negative. I'm sure that makes no sense what-so-ever, and seems like a cop-out for laziness. I'm not trying to be lazy, I'm just trying to turn my negative emotions into a positive identity.
The other place my identification with a deadbeat comes from is my willingness to admit that I have privileges that others lack. Privileges I have no problems admitting to having, but still feel bad for having them when others do not. I am a white male in the Mid West of the United States. That means that, despite the fact that I come from a high school of little note within the Greater Cincinnati area, I have an advantage over the black students in that same school in terms of opportunities, and more than half of my school's population is African American. I also have advantages in terms of future wages and other issues over women, even if those are saddled with male stereotypes as well. I may come from a lower-middle class family, but I still have a computer like this old laptop and a cell phone, in addition to video games. A lot of kids do not have that. My parent's are divorced, but they're still on friendly terms and don't jump at each others' throats, so I still see them equally and don't deal with the worst parts of divorce like a lot of kids. So on and so forth in that manner.
My life isn't rosy, far from it. I have a share of my own problems. But when I put things in perspective, my life isn't the worse amongst 99% of Americans. I'm not part of the 1% by a long shot, but I have some privileges that I must own up to. From this, the idea that I have not earned some of the privileges I enjoy, I feel like a deadbeat. I have protested and Occupied, stood up for the rights of my fellow Americans in forums and discussions, and even contacted my representative legislators about things like SOPA and NDAA, but I know that I have not done enough as a young man of eighteen. So here is my blog, Deadbeat Living, where I will try to talk about important issues, and come to grips with my feelings. I am the Deadbeat, the loser of American Privilege, a white teenager in suburbia. I'm trying to hold myself accountable.
Gosh, I really hope this doesn't sound stupid and pretentious. It's hard to write off the top of my head like this. -_-'
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